Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
