so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
