Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
