Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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