he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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