The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
