we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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