i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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