The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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