She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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