between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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