Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
