Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
