Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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