He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
