one two three fourrrrnication!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize