I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
