The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
