did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
