Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my sisters under your porch take her home
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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