you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
