are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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