Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
