"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
