I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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