Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
