I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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