I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
