So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
