All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
