Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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