I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
