Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
