Screwed.edu
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
