Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
