I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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