Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
