I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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