I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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