So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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