I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
