well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
