I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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