Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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