Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
