I like my sex mixed with concussions.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
