I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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