Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
babies were throwing up all over the place
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry about my life...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize