I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
