youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
