After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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