Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
