I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
