I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
