I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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