dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
