Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
