the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
