no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
