everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
