You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
