Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
