sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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