All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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