I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
