what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
