i permit you to call me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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