I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize