My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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