garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
