he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
