either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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