You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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