Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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