I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
