mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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